I remember having a conversation with Todd last fall about names. In one of our many conversations about having kids he referred to me as "mom". I had an immediate negative reaction and let him know that my name was always gong to be Rebekah and not just "mom" or "mommy". I was afraid of losing my identity in the pursuit of raising a family. I did not want to be thought of as just "mom". Caregiver. I remember thinking of my mom's real name while growing up. How strange it sounded. She was "Mom" to me. I had a hard time identifying life or meaning into her given name.
Todd and I had our first child in October. A total surprise. My sister gave me a French Bulldog puppy and I immediately became "mommy". There was no thought or reflection, i just swept seamlessly into my mommy identity. "yes, you are Mommy's little girl...Do you want to go for a walk with mommy?.....take a nap with mommy?.....Mommy thinks you are such a beautiful baby! ....Mommy is very disappointed in you!....tell Daddy to take you outside!"
I find it interesting how we identify with our pets. They really do become our "children" when we allow them to. They fill a void and become a distraction. We pour love and attention on them and they are truly a jump start to having human babies. : )
Before having Mia I was worried that I wasn't patient enough to have children. I was worried that I would lose my identity as Rebekah and become just caregiver "Mom". Now, after months of potty training, a ruined white wool rug (what was a thinking!), and only having one night in the last 5 months without at "3am-5am potty and pleeeeease go back to sleep" session, I am fully confident that I am a more than adequately patient person. "Mommy" is no longer a term of bondage but of love and pride.
Patience . . . what an art form in and of itself! Praise God we are given a new measure of it with each and every battle we face. Someone once told me, "NEVER, NEVER NEVER pray for patience, because it only comes though struggle, and God will probably give it to you."
ReplyDelete"How foolish," I remember thinking to myself. "As if I could avoid struggle anyway!" How much better to gain something from it! May Mia continue preparing you my dear . . . lovely reflection!